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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26265091">Dude, This is a Wendy's</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherishedwings/pseuds/cherishedwings'>cherishedwings</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Office, Attempt at Humor, Awkward Conversations, Awkward Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Cussing, Embarrassment, F/M, Humor, Levi thinks Wendy is a person, M/M, Mistaken Identity, Oneshot, Phone Calls &amp; Telephones, Second-Hand Embarrassment, The Office, Wendy's</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 04:48:44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,865</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26265091</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherishedwings/pseuds/cherishedwings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>AU in which Levi is set up with the "hot and juicy redhead" Wendy, only to learn that Wendy is a restaurant, not a person.</p><p>Inspired by The Office Season 4 Episode 14</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Levi/Eren Yeager</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>64</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Dude, This is a Wendy's</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Randomly thought of this one day and wanted to actually write it up. Poor Levi.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p class="p1">“Come onnnn.”</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“No.”</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“Don’t be such a wimp, just <em>try</em>—“</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“No.”</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“Just this once, and then I won’t bother you—“</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1">“That’s what you said the last<em> fifty </em>times, Shitty Glasses!”</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">Hanji opened their mouth, probably to tell Levi that it wasn’t <em>actually</em> fifty times, more like thirty-nine, but Levi stopped them before they could infuriate him any further.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“No.”</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease—“</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">Levi looked up to the tiled ceiling, silently praying to whatever higher being existed up there to lend him the strength needed to not strangle Hanji right then and there. <em>Breathe in, breathe out</em>, he chanted internally as Hanji continued to harass him.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“It’s been <em>ages</em> since you’ve gone on a date, and I swear, this person sounds <em>perfect</em>.”</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“You’ve never even met them, how would you know?”</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">Hanji leaned in conspiratorially, as if they weren’t alone in his office and the door wasn’t locked, and whispered, “Because, I have my sources.” They nodded sagely, as though that was the only explanation that Levi needed. Then again, if he pressed further Hanji would likely wrangle him into another hour-long conversation about the who-what-when-where-how, and Levi really wanted to just finish his work and get home early—what a concept—so he wisely chose not to comment.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">The silence lengthened, but Hanji remained steadfast in sitting there and staring at Levi, until he finally threw his arms up in defeat.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“Just give me the goddamn number.”</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">Hanji squealed, jumping up and clapping their hands together in victory.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“Sit your ass down before I change my mind,” Levi snapped, snatching the slip of paper they had been holding and pounding the numbers that were scribbled on there in shitty handwriting—along with the words <em>Wendy</em>: <em>Sasha’s friend; hot and juicy redhead ;)—</em>into the telephone set on his desk.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">Levi knew better than to turn off speaker mode and attempt to have a private conversation using the cordless phone like a normal person, because given Hanji’s whole—well, Hanjiness—they would simply leap over the desk and press their ear tightly against the device while Levi talked. Seriously, they knew no boundaries. It was a miracle they were still friends.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">Then again, it wasn’t really by choice. Hanji and Levi were sent by their company—Survey Corporation—to open up their first American office, and having to uproot from Paradis to a whole different country meant that friendships—however dysfunctional—were important in maintaining some sense of sanity as they adjusted to this new environment.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">Plus, Hanji meant well. Levi’s love life hasn’t exactly been the smoothest. First, Erwin broke up with him and ended up marrying their mutual friend Mike. Then, he had been set up on a blind date with a woman named Rico, who saw him and promptly turned around and left the restaurant without another word. He and Petra tried to see if their relationship could go beyond just friends, but after a few months of sheer awkwardness they both decided it wasn’t meant to be, and barely talked now.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">That was…three years ago. Yeah, Levi’s been in a bit of a dry spell. Not that he really minded, but he was getting close to 30 and he knew his clock was ticking before the gray hairs would start sprouting.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">Being forced to emigrate to America certainly didn’t help his prospects. Americans were <em>weird</em>. One night stands, friends with benefits, hooking up at bars—though Paradis was far from some religious cult, it certainly had a much more conservative culture, and people generally dated with the long-term in mind, which was why many people depended on family and friends to help connect them with potential prospects, knowing that their close ones would have their best interests in mind and have good judgment on a suitable pairing.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">Looking warily at Hanji, who was simply quivering with excitement as the phone rang, Levi was starting to wonder if trusting Hanji to have good judgment was simply stupid on his part. Before he could jump ship and hang up, however, the phone clicked and the call connected.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“Wendy.”</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">Immediately, Levi furrowed his brows and snapped his head up to look at Hanji, who shrugged. For a “hot and juicy redhead”, Wendy sounded a lot like—well, a teenage-maybe-early-twenties dude. Then again, Levi supposed Wendy could be a <em>dude</em> (Hanji didn’t specify and besides, American names were weird), and being bi, Levi was fine with going out with a dude.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“Hello?” Drawled the voice on the other end, sounding every bit as young and male as he had seconds before.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">Levi sighed before deciding it would be rude to hang up or let whatever close-minded biases he may have about the name Wendy stop him from continuing—Wendy could probably see his number, anyways, so he might as well get this over with.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“Hello, Wendy. This is Sasha’s…friend, Levi.”</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">There was silence on the other end, before the speaker finally crackled to life. “This…isn’t Wendy.”</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">Levi could feel his face heat up. Seriously, what was going on? He hated phone calls, hated awkward conversations, hated all forms of socialization, and currently he <em>seriously</em> hated the brunette who was sitting across from him with a burning vengeance. Curse Hanji for putting him in this situation.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“Oh, I’m sorry,” Levi started, figuring it would be better to be polite. “Could you put her—them—on please?”</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">There was another beat of silence, which felt like eternity to Levi as he clenched his fists below his desk, ready to give Hanji a good smack after this conversation was over for this whole mess. He was certain that this was going to be one of those moments in his life that would never be able to look back upon without cringing.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">The speaker finally crackled, as the person on the other end said, much more loudly—and with a distinct tone of incredulity—“Dude, this is a Wendy’s restaurant.”</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">Levi and Hanji both froze as they looked up and made eye contact. It was deadly quiet as the reality of the situation sat in, Levi growing steadily redder with absolute <em>fury </em>and humiliation and Hanji’s previously manic smile steadily fading into a sheepish look of horror.</p><p class="p1"> </p><p class="p1"><em>Fucking Hanji</em>, Levi was ready to murder them. <em>Fuck, fuck fuck FUCKING HANJI</em>! Before he could leap up and stab her to death with the pens on his desk, Hanji’s sense of self-preservation kicked in and they leapt out of his reach and pulled the phone closer to them and tried to take charge of the situation.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“Okay…okay. Could we—I—just have a Frosty and a baked potato, please?”</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1"><em>What the </em><span class="s1"><em>fuck</em></span><em> is a Frosty? </em>Levi wondered internally, as he attempted to slap the phone out of Hanji’s hands and hang up. Unfortunately, as uncoordinated as Hanji was, they simply had longer limbs than Levi, and hugged the phone tightly to their chest as though it were their firstborn child.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“You have to come to the restaurant to order food.” The guy on the other end was starting to sound irritated.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2">"Well I'll send somebody to pick it up. Just have it ready."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p2">"It's ready now."</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“Well put it aside!” Hanji shouted, before throwing the phone back on the desk and shrieking as Levi tackled them to the ground and pulled them up by the hair.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“Owowowowowowow stopstopstopstop,” Hanji gasped.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“You <em>fucking</em> idiot, you—you—what the <em>fuck</em>—<em>why the fuck would you set me up with someone who doesn’t exist</em>?!” Levi seethed in fury.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“Levi, Levi, I swear, I didn’t know Wendy wasn’t a person!” Hanji’s eyes widened as they put their hands together as though in a prayer. “Sasha was raving about how good of a cook Wendy was and how she would love to introduce us to the <em>pinnacle</em> of America and—“</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">Hanji’s mouth widened in a gasp. “Oh, this makes so much more sense now. <em>That’s</em> why Sasha said <em>everyone knows Wendy</em> and that they were <em>everywhere</em>!” They slapped their palm to their forehead. “Oh, I thought that was just some American saying about how they’re <em>easy</em>.”</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">Levi let go of Hanji and dropped them to the ground. “I—I don’t even know where to start. Why—<em>why</em> would you think they would be a good match for me if they’re <em>easy</em>?!”</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">Hanji scratched their ear. “Ah…well you know…you have been out of the dating game for a while and you’re not exactly the most approachable or friendly or personable or—“</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">They were stopped by Levi’s hand, which was squishing their cheeks together so hard it was borderline—scratch that, <em>definitely</em>—painful.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“Shut. Up. I—I don’t care if you’re my only friend in America I will <em>actually </em>kill you.” Levi threatened, his eyes narrowed to slits and his voice dropping to a dangerous hiss.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">Hanji did manage to shut up, which was certainly a feat, though it was definitely helped by Levi’s fingers still clasping their face.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“Uh, you guys realize that you didn’t hang up yet, right?” Came the voice from the speaker.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">Levi dropped Hanji on the floor as though burned, his mouth open in mortification. Before he could stab the “end call button”, however, the person on the other end spoke up again.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“Well…I’m not Wendy nor am I <em>easy</em>, but I’d be down to show you around if you want. Sounds like you could use some company that actually, uh, knows the area.”</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">Levi gaped at the phone, speechless. He turned to look at Hanji, lost, as though to confirm he wasn’t off his rocker, the sheer insanity and strangeness of the situation rendering him completely incapable of functioning.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">Unlike Levi, Hanji was always one to act first, think later, and quickly shouted into the phone, “Yes, yes, Levi would <em>love </em>that. Why don’t you give us your name and contact info and he’ll take you out tonight?”</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“Are you <em>fucking</em> craz—“ Hanji slapped their hand over Levi’s mouth.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">The person over the phone let out an amused chuckle. “Yeah, no problem, dude. My name is Eren, and I get off work tonight at 8 PM. You can just pick me up at the Wendy’s on Rose Avenue. Uh—Wendy’s the restaurant. Just to be clear.”</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“Got it! See you then!” Hanji quickly ended the call before Levi could reverse the damage, though they didn’t remove their hand until Levi bit harshly into their fingers, causing them to shriek in pain and hop around the room, flapping their hand.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“You—you—“ Levi couldn’t seem to form words to describe his fury.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“YOUUUUU’ve got a hot date tonight, so you better go home early to prepare!” Hanji crowed, eyes still watering with pain. “You can thank me later!” They shouted, crashing open the door and running out of the office, before turning around and poking their head in.</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">“Oh, but I was serious about the Frosty and potato. Could you make sure Eren brings it with him? Thanks!”</p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1">Levi was left standing in his office, gaping, as Hanji slammed the door shut and zoomed away, their loud cackling still audible through the walls as they ran down the hallway. </p><p class="p2"> </p><p class="p1"><em>Goddamn it. </em>He should’ve known that Wendy wasn’t a guy’s name.</p><p class="p2"> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I love the Office xD Let me know if you liked it and if I should consider writing more of these weird crossover-esque oneshots.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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